he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
