So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
