all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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