i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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