Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
