went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
