She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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