they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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