tonight lets celebrate not being married
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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