she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
