So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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