She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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