Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
