Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
