so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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