She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
