I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
