Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
