ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I wear drunk well.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
