We're like a lot better than the average bears
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
