I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
