After last night, I could never be a politician.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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