My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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