I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
