I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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