It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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