first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
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There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
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Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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