38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
