spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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