She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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