just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
