Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
