Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
