After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
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I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
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We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He shit in the fireplace
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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