so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
tequila makes me forget i have legs
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
