Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
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On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
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I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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