After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
