UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
