I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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