How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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