R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
