my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
