She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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