He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
