Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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