He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
