if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
