bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
