john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
