it hurts more in the daytime
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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