Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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