I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
