goodnight i made you a song goodbye
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
