I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
