I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
