No stitches, just platelets and will power
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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