but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
