...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
