Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
