I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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