Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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