i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
People in love make me want to vomit
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
