I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
