I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The best revenge is premature balding
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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