quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
