If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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