Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
