I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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