Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
