I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
