So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
