fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
from now on my penis is your penis
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
