I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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