Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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