I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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