Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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