Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
