Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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