Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
