and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
